DO NOT go to Jolly Swagman's Backpackers lodge

18/07/04

This morning, my fellow traveller Amaury decides to get up early to visit a park. Why he does (this despite the bad experiences we've had with early starts) is totally beyond me. He politely asks me to join him. And kindly respond by throwing my left shoe at him and pulling the covers over my head. He comes back 4 hours later looking soaked, sandy, bleary-eyed and exausted. I am nicely rested, I raise my eyebrows and decide not to enquire about his adventure. I later learn that he was so enthusiastic with seeing wildlife that he steered off the beaten path only to get stuck in a sand dune. He had to dig his wheel with his hands and get a tough burly man to help him out of his miseries. And it was torrentially raining too. I think that I have finally convinced him that early mornings are not that great.

Jolly Swagman's Backpackers Lodge, despite its rather cheerful sounding name, sucks. It sucks big time. Why does it suck you ask? This is why:

1. It is situated at King's Cross in the Red light district of Sydney.
2. You have to stand on your tip-toes in the shower to avoid getting sticky feet and the carpet is more crunchy-sounding than chunky peanut-butter.
3. They are "renovating" ot right now...which means that they are covering the beer soaked wooden floor with slabs of concrete.
4. I initially mistook the kitchen for the trash disposal area.
5. My neighbor smokes pot. Wait, that's a good thing. OK let me rephrase that. My neighbor smokes pot and doesn't share it with me.