Craig's List

One of the perks of being back in the States is being able to use Craig's List. It's a website where people can place advertisements for furniture, classes they teach, cars for sale and meeting groups. In return, you can contact them, agree on a price and pick up your new item.

Of friend of mine is even using the "personal ads" section to find a woman who might be interested in having a casual encounter with him (this is a thinly veiled term for sex with no strings attached).

Occasionally, you'll find great ads. I want to share with you this particularly eloquent ad found on Craig's List (with the owner's permission of course).

"Sliding Scale of Couch Justice" Sage Green couch, big chair, ottoman

Posted on: 2007-01-02

Okay...so I'm moving in a week into a new house. My beautiful bride and I purchased this set for about a grand -- but about 7 years ago. It was great for us at the time...very Pottery Barn/Pier 1-ish.

Well, it's still in good shape....it's got some stains and some wear spots where the cat took a claw to it once or twice...and my 2 year old son scribbled in pen in one of the back cushions...but that's no big deal because you can just flip the cushion...and besides, it adds character.

Oh ya...it's severely urine stained from a night of partying....NAH, I'm just kidding there...no pee, vomit or other bodily fluid stains....that is DEFINITELY a plus for a craigslist couch....and, dare I say, practically unheard of for a matching couch, oversized chair, ottoman combo. Oh ya...we don't smoke either....so, it doesn't smell like an ashtray.

So, anyway...we're moving and bought new stuff. You see, my wife got obsessed with some new paint color for our basement. The $20 paint color, unfortunately, does not match our $1,000 (albeit 7 year old) couch.


The Couch 


However, I am a smart man...and I know that "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"...so, I gladly sign off on the purchase of said paint color and a new sectional/sleeper thing that, apparently, coordinates perfectly....I don't ask questions...this is her castle and she can decorate as she pleases.

Now my dilemma...I am faced with what to do with my Sage Green "Ashley" Couch with matching oversized chair and ottoman. But, I don't just want to give the thing away...after all, It was one of the first major purchases we made together and it blessed us greatly over the years. I would love for this couch (and, of course, it's matching oversized chair and ottoman) to find it's way into the hands of someone truly thankful for it. Therefore, I propose the following "sliding scale of couch justice" to ward off any evildoers that might otherwise attempt to use this Sage Green beauty for any purposes other than intended.

Therefore, the price of the couch will vary, for example:

(1) Are you a young couple...just starting out...got big dreams of building a future together and conquering the world together...but, don't have the cash right now to make it happen? If so, I feel you...and I've been there...and for you...how about $50. And my prayer for you will be that you look back on your Sage Green Couch Craiglist purchase with great notalgia.

(2) Or, you are a Frat boy, just out of college looking for a sweet couch to bang hot chicks on....for you....$1,500...never, ever disrepect my couch like that....unless, of course, you're willing to pay. Besides...this couch is not a leather ensemble from Haverty's...it's good and all...but, it's not exactly going to make the ladies clothes fall off just by looking at it, you know?

(3) Or, maybe you're single mom...struggling to make ends meet and your piece of crap husband left you for his whore of secretary. And now you're looking for a couch for the basement for your kids...well...I feel your pain as well. If that's the case....$25 for you....come pick her up and she's yours.


The Chair and Ottoman 

(4) You're active duty military or retired military. You have fought for and admirably served this wonderful country. You realize that America cannot be the land of the free unless we are also the home of the brave. Though you'd rather not, you are willing to be shot at and shoot back in the name of protecting our freedoms....and you do so for chumps like me who sit firmly entrenched behind our desks in an office w/a view collecting our comparatively over-inflated salaries. That, my friend, is priceless...so for you, the sage green beauty is free of charge...come pick her up.

(5) You're a craigslist troller...looking for something cheap to re-sell on ebay...sorry, charlie....can't let my Sage Green Ashley couch get pimped out like that.....$700 for you.

(6) Or, perhaps, You've got a decent income and Maybe you just bought a house or are renting a new one and need a decent couch to fill some space...but you don't want to spend a bunch of money on something that you know you'll want to replace in a a few years....if so, I respect that...there's something to be said for living within a budget and not worrying about "keeping up w/the Jones's"...in that case...how about $75 for you.

(7) Or, you are a Washington Redskins fan...and you are looking for a couch to put in your sport room that is not all floral and crap and embarassing. You want it to look decent...but you also want to be able to spill your Milwaukee's Best on it when cussing at the TV....I, also feel you...and I WANT you to have this couch. I, too, have done the same on this very same couch as my beloved team has given me season after season of futility. For you, $70.

(8) You are a Giants fan and looking to do the same: $85
(9) Philly fan (the green would definitely complement the team colors)? $100
(10) Cowboys fan? $2,790 -- sorry...I could never allow my much cherished sage green couch to adorn the sports basement of a Cowboys fan. I'm sorry...I just can't...unless of course you want to pay me $1,790 more than I paid for this beauty 7 years ago.

So, what's your story? Do you want the couch? The mathching oversized chair? The ottoman? Tell me your story and tell me your price. It's gotta be out of my house in a week. Hit me with an email.