June 12, 2009

On Drones and Cops


I was going to write a post about how people in the metro are complete drones. Here they are, standing in the metro car, sporting their Ann Taylor Loft dress and flip flops, or beige slacks and leather satchel. They slowly move out of the train, and towards the escalator, queuing up nicely by the walking zone or the standing zone. They don’t smile, they don’t acknowledge other presences, and they rush towards the gates, and drop their newspapers mechanically into the recycling cans.

Every morning, I fight an irresistible need to go “Baahhh, bah!” like a goat, as I standing on the moving stairs. But I suspect that no one would even flinch.

As I was walking by my office this morning though, I saw a cop and smiled at him.

Cop: “Ma’am, can I ask for your help?”

I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

Cop: “I need to put this in your bag” as he shows me a can of diet coke.

I stutter and shift on my feet several times, thinking of the stories of unsuspecting tourists stuck in some overseas jail because they accepted to store similarly innocuous items in their suitcases. I look at his uniform several times, trying to see how official it was.

Cop: “I need to test the guards, I’ll be right behind you”.

An image of me in shackles surrounded by dozens of cops forms very clearly in my mind, so I say:

Me: “OK, sure”

I drop the can in my bag, and walk in the building. I put my bag on the x-ray belt, and flash my badge. The guards say nothing, and let me go on my merry way.

The policeman catches up with me in the elevator, and thanks me profusely. He asks me for his can back, and I say jokingly:

Me: “What, I don’t even get to drink it for my troubles?”

He unscrews the top, and shows me that the Diet Coke can is not a can at all, but a receptacle of some kind, stuffed with tissue. A young man who was riding the elevator with us blanches and quickly steps of the elevator. I try to probe a little more, but all I get is that this is connected to the Holocaust museum shooting that happened this week (about 6 blocks from where I work).

This is more excitement than this drone can take!


Astrogirl said...

How extraordinary! I wonder how the cop picked you!

Anonymous said...

Weird! I guess that's what you get for wanting more excitement in your life :)

Carl said...

you wonder why the cop picked a good looking young women? are you serious?

Mumbo Sauce said...

I had to number my comments b/c it's easier for me. I know I'm crazy.

1. I'm sad to say you've described me almost exactly. I'm wearing an outfit from Ann Taylor(flip flops on at the metro, heels waiting for me at work). I didn't even own anything from there until 2 days ago. I'm slowly morphing in to a DC drone!

2. I need to defend those of us that don't smile or acknowledge other people. I don't want to talk in the morning. I try to not look at anyone, I read or keep my ipod in. I'm not a morning person. Of course, those things don't stop everyone. The weirdos always want to talk regardless of how uninterested and mad you look.

3. If you do start bahing no one will flinch, but they will inch away from you and tell their coworkers about the crazy lady in the metro that thought she was a goat.

4. It's good to know he was testing them, not good that they failed. :(
I was surprised when I went to the Portrait Museum on Sunday and the guard didn't even look in my bag when I offered.

Sorry for the novel. It's Friday and I can't bring myself to work.