Timeline of a vacation

(or "How not to plan a trip")

I've been back for a few days after a short trip to Europe, which a friend kindly organized. But I must admit that I'm still feeling pretty comatose from the whole affair. Case in point, here are the instructions on how to plan a completely exhausting trip:

Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Go to work, as per usual. Leave by 5:30pm to catch the metro and then the bus to Dulles International Airport. The trip takes about 1:15 minutes. Wait for 3 hours for the plane to take off. Stay up for 24 hours while traveling. Do not sleep on plane.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Arrive in Geneva. Rent a car, and travel for a couple hours to Montreux. Attend the Van Morrison show at the Jazz festival. Drink a lot of water, smile, and pretend not to mind the slowly dissolving part of your brain that demands sleep. Go to bed by 1 am.

Thursday, July 19, 2007
Drive to Turin, Italy for 4 hours--make sure to transit through France and stop in Argentière for a nice view of the Mont Blanc. Try to take pictures of the formidable mountain from a moving car, and half asleep. Look for restaurants as suggested by the "Slow foods" guide for hours. Give up: Turin is a labyrinth. Gorge yourself on heavy Italian food (delicious) suggested by the hotel staff instead. Go to bed by 11 pm.

Friday, July 20, 2007
Wake up with extreme difficulty and jam toothpicks between your eyelids to keep your eyes from closing. Spend hours in the hot Museum of Film and drag your feet until you've seen every exhibit on the 4 floors. Drive an hour to Pinerolo, arrive in the hotel, shower and change in 20 minutes and join friends for dinner. Smile at the wedding party while desperately trying to stay awake. Excuse yourself to go to bed by eleven pm.

Saturday, July 21, 2007
Spend the morning trying to get "said" friend's suit pressed. Try to stay calm, composed, and awake. Realize you have just 2 hours until the wedding and that you want to cram the sight of a medieval forteress located one hour away from the church. Spending 20 minutes there, grab a 2-minute lunch. Attend a nice wedding, smile and congratulate all-around. Have a 12-course meal, gratiously served by the wedding party. Go home at midnight.

Sunday, July 22, 2007
Wake up at 5 am. Shower, and pack. Drive 5 hours back to Geneva. Return car. Depart in plane. Arrive in Gatwick airport in London. Decide to spend a couple hours eating sickingly sweet chutney and brie sandwich in a loud park in London--while dragging your suitcases around. Arrive in Heathrow airport--at this point, you've probably spent 9 hours in the U.K. Wait for your plane to depart. Whatever you do, do not attempt to sleep. Try, if you can, to get a cold from the recycled air of the cabin. Arrive in Washington, DC and get to bed by 2 am.

Monday, July 23, 2007
Arrive bright and early, and certainly fresh-looking at your office staff meeting at 9 am. Spend the rest of the work-week fighting your cold, as evidenced by very itchy throat, teary nose and reddened nose.

Voila! It's simple really. And it only costs US$ 2,000.